{"id":163,"date":"2009-06-15T16:56:21","date_gmt":"2009-06-15T23:56:21","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/melinakantor.com\/?p=163"},"modified":"2009-08-09T17:41:39","modified_gmt":"2009-08-10T00:41:39","slug":"okay-rain-okay-monday","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/melinakantor.com\/?p=163","title":{"rendered":"Okay Rain. Okay Monday."},"content":{"rendered":"

Let’s talk.<\/span><\/em><\/h2>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

Hello Rain. Hello Monday. Thanks for coming. We simply MUST have a chat.<\/p>\n

So. Who’d like to go first? Rain? Okay, have a seat, make yourself comfy.\u00a0<\/p>\n

~<\/p>\n

Water is a good thing. That, I am down with. I grew up watching Sesame Street:<\/p>\n

[youtube]http:\/\/www.youtube.com\/watch?v=DlljkLsdc2A[\/youtube]<\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/p>\n

But here’s the thing. A little moderation never hurt anybody. Don’t you ever take a break? Dumb question: Doesn’t the sky ever run out of you?\u00a0<\/p>\n

I’m way, way past the point of singing cute little nursery rhymes that politely suggest that your relocation might be appreciated.\u00a0<\/p>\n

Now, it’s personal.<\/p>\n

This morning, I woke up to the sound of rain pounding the life out of my air conditioner. The dog sat up, tilted his head, and growled at the window. I don’t blame him.<\/p>\n

Poor guy hasn’t had a chance to sniff around the dog run in days. And in my household, when Doggie ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy. Got it?<\/p>\n

Last week, when I arrived at the broker to sign my lease, I was dripping so much they had to send me to the bathroom with a roll of paper towels. My umbrella, you ask? Useless when tested against your power. Although the guys selling them outside the subway station were making a fortune. Pardon the question, but are you perhaps in cahoots with these people?\u00a0<\/p>\n

Sometimes, I like you. A lot. Who doesn’t enjoy a rainy day at home, curled up under a blanket. But one can’t stay home all the time. Some of us have to work. Some of us have a commute.<\/p>\n

At this point, it’s ark building time.<\/p>\n

If my students have even one more day of indoor recess, I’m going to make YOU<\/em> teach them after lunch. Capice?<\/p>\n

I know, I know. There are plenty of places that are desperate for rain. But here’s a thought. Why don’t you pick one of those places and go there? I’ll even hang a map on my wall and throw a dart if that might be of help to you.<\/p>\n

Have you been on Twitter of Facebook? Have you not heard the tales of mold and webbed feet?\u00a0<\/p>\n

BTW, there is still mold growing in the corner of my living room ceiling. That’s what happens when you come inside, uninvited. Even vampires<\/a>\u00a0have the decency to wait for an invitation before they come inside.\u00a0<\/p>\n

Lastly. What’s with the whole teaming up with Monday thing about? What did I ever do to you?\u00a0<\/p>\n

~<\/p>\n

Now Monday. Let’s cut right to the chase.\u00a0<\/p>\n

Nobody likes you. Everybody hates you. Go eat worms<\/a>.\u00a0<\/p>\n

Were you on Twitter and\/or Facebook this morning? In case you missed it, here’s a recap: Monday = Day Of Suckitude<\/a>.\u00a0<\/p>\n

Okay, it’s not necessarily your fault that you have to follow the weekend. Somebody has to be in that unfortunate position. Problem is, you seem to enjoy it more than necessary.<\/p>\n

People despise you so much they’re driven write songs about the pain:<\/p>\n

[youtube]http:\/\/www.youtube.com\/watch?v=H7KrlDZ5Hkw[\/youtube]<\/p>\n

[youtube]http:\/\/www.youtube.com\/watch?v=s48kuKLf0mE[\/youtube]<\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/p>\n

Your general ickyness is so toxic it even seeps into Sunday. And you know how I feel about Sunday<\/a>.<\/p>\n

Was it not bad enough that I was up at 5:30 this morning? I was actually running ahead of schedule and feeling rather pleased with myself.\u00a0And then the dog puked his guts out all over my living room floor and my MetroCard went AWOL.<\/p>\n

Apparently, even that wasn’t enough. You just had to team up with Rain so I’d trip avoiding a puddle and spill coffee all over my shirt. A shirt I just washed. And you know how I feel about laundry<\/a>.<\/p>\n

So I arrived at work wet. And covered in coffee. Then later in the day, I had an unfortunate incident wherein a seventh grader got tomato sauce on my already ruined shirt.\u00a0<\/p>\n

I truly believe that statistically speaking, these things are less likely to occur on your average Tuesday or Thursday. (No, you most certainly should NOT<\/em> be proud of that.)<\/p>\n

No offense, but would it not behoove you to have some better PR? You’re stuck with the whole first day of the workweek thing, but you could help the situation by, I don’t know, maybe giving everybody a free latte or drink of their choice on their way to work, or sending the UPS guy to people’s door with boxes of wine<\/a>. Just a thought.<\/p>\n

~<\/p>\n

Well Rain and Monday. I hope you’ve found this conversation as fruitful as I have.\u00a0<\/p>\n

I leave you with this parting gift, written just for the two of you, the happy couple:<\/p>\n

[youtube]http:\/\/www.youtube.com\/watch?v=dPmbT5XC-q0[\/youtube]<\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Let’s talk. Hello Rain. Hello Monday. Thanks for coming. We simply MUST have a chat. So. Who’d like to go first? Rain? Okay, have a seat, make yourself comfy.\u00a0 ~ Water is a good thing. That, I am down with. I grew up watching Sesame Street: [youtube]http:\/\/www.youtube.com\/watch?v=DlljkLsdc2A[\/youtube] \u00a0 But here’s the thing. A little moderation […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[14,40,41],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-163","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-mel-in-manhattan","category-mels-favorite-posts","category-new-york-living"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/melinakantor.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/163","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/melinakantor.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/melinakantor.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/melinakantor.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/melinakantor.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=163"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/melinakantor.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/163\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/melinakantor.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=163"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/melinakantor.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=163"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/melinakantor.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=163"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}