{"id":225,"date":"2009-10-12T15:00:43","date_gmt":"2009-10-12T22:00:43","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/melinakantor.com\/?p=225"},"modified":"2010-08-31T21:55:13","modified_gmt":"2010-09-01T04:55:13","slug":"confessions-of-cannon-ball-the-klutz","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/melinakantor.com\/?p=225","title":{"rendered":"Confessions of Cannonball the Klutz"},"content":{"rendered":"

A Classic Melissa Story: For Your Enjoyment<\/em><\/span><\/h2>\n

\"\"<\/span><\/p>\n

Remember when I was locked in my apartment<\/a> and I made a crack about “Classic Melissa Stories?” Well, my friend Maren got on Facebook today and referred to me as Cannon Ball. And Kim<\/a> was curious as to why (she’s a writer and therefore it’s her job to inquire about such things), so I promised to tell the story here.<\/p>\n

Hope you’re ready.<\/p>\n

Before I get started, there are a few things you’ve got to know.<\/p>\n

As I mentioned, I’ve got this friend Maren. I’ve known her so long I was actually a guest at her first birthday party. And I get to call her Mollie, cause I’m that special. She’s family. In fact, her whole family is my family.<\/p>\n

Although you wouldn’t know that to look at us. She’s tall, blond and Nordic. Which I am not, in spite of my thing for Sweden<\/a>. She’s also very sweet, which is another thing I am not. (True story: My uncle, this one right here<\/a>, once asked, “Mollie is so sweet and you’re such a bitch. How are you two friends?” I thanked him for the compliment and told him I often wondered the same thing. I then proceeded to send him this video<\/a>.)<\/p>\n

Another difference: Mollie and the members of her family love to ski (told you, Nordic). And for some reason, when I was a kid, they used to drag me along with them. I’m telling you, these people are saints.<\/p>\n

I don’t have the best track record when it comes to traveling with them. There was the time at the zoo I fell off the stepping stones into a small lake. And there was the time I got sick in the back seat of their Volvo after a trip to an amusement park. Mollie’s father Rick had a gym bag in the trunk of his car, and on more than one occasion had to dress me in one of his extra t-shirts. Yet, these people continued to include me on their family outings.<\/p>\n

Including their ski trips.<\/p>\n

Now, you’ve got to understand that I’ve got a problem with heights and going down hills. I fall more often than President Ford<\/a>. So skiing? Not a talent. Ice-skating, I love, cause it’s flat. I’ve even got my own skates. Jumping off a fishing boat into the Mediterranean and snorkeling? Count me in! But being at the top of a hill and looking down makes me dizzy and disoriented. (Another true story: On my first hike in Israel, on our way down a mountain, my hot classmate from Argentina had to take hold of both of my hands to help me keep my balance. So you see, there are times vertigo can pay off.)<\/p>\n

But back to the story, and the point.<\/p>\n

So I was on a ski trip with Mollie and Family. I was in fourth grade. They suggested that I wait while they went down a hill to take care of some lift ticket business. But I was ten, and got bored after a while, and the hill didn’t seem that<\/em> steep, so I went for it.<\/p>\n

According to Robinson Family Mythology, people were way impressed. Off I went, at full speed, with my poles in the air. I must have looked like a professional ski jumper.<\/p>\n

But there were two itsy-bitsy details that gave me away as a fraudulent skier.<\/p>\n

I didn’t have a clue what to do with my poles. And I had no idea how to stop.<\/p>\n

Also according to mythology, I was chanting, “RickRickRickRick” as if there was some way he’d be able to save me.<\/p>\n

Just to put it out there, these are all details Rick feels compelled to share with company whenever I’m around.<\/p>\n

Anyway, I clearly survived, or I wouldn’t be here telling you this story now. But I did fall. Flat on my back. And I scratched my hand with one of the polls.<\/p>\n

And that, the story goes, is how I earned the name Cannonball.<\/p>\n

The End.<\/strong><\/em><\/h3>\n


\n<\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n

Oh, wait. I lied. Not the end. I’m only sharing this next part because if I don’t, you know Rick will. Another time (and yes, there was<\/em> another time. I know. Hard to believe, right? Told you, these people are saints.) we were skiing, there was a lift like this<\/a>. I was afraid to get off, so I was pulled into the air, and I left the people behind me sort of stuck.<\/p>\n

Not my proudest moment.<\/p>\n

Well, there you have it.<\/p>\n

Obviously, I love and adore you all, or I wouldn’t have shared this.<\/p>\n

Love,<\/p>\n

Cannonball<\/p>\n

P.S. Yes, I’m from California<\/a>. Please don’t ask if we have snow there. I promise you, we do.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

A Classic Melissa Story: For Your Enjoyment Remember when I was locked in my apartment and I made a crack about “Classic Melissa Stories?” Well, my friend Maren got on Facebook today and referred to me as Cannon Ball. And Kim was curious as to why (she’s a writer and therefore it’s her job to […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[61,40],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-225","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-classic-mel","category-mels-favorite-posts"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/melinakantor.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/225","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/melinakantor.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/melinakantor.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/melinakantor.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/melinakantor.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=225"}],"version-history":[{"count":8,"href":"https:\/\/melinakantor.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/225\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":822,"href":"https:\/\/melinakantor.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/225\/revisions\/822"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/melinakantor.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=225"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/melinakantor.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=225"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/melinakantor.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=225"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}