{"id":88,"date":"2008-07-22T13:15:59","date_gmt":"2008-07-22T20:15:59","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/melinakantor.com\/?p=88"},"modified":"2009-04-15T13:29:05","modified_gmt":"2009-04-15T20:29:05","slug":"the-eyes-dont-have-it","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/melinakantor.com\/?p=88","title":{"rendered":"The “Eyes” Don’t Have It"},"content":{"rendered":"

Why I totally flunked my eye test<\/em><\/span><\/h2>\n

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

So. \u00a0I come home for two weeks and what do I do? \u00a0I get my teeth cleaned. \u00a0I get my hair cut. \u00a0I get my eyebrows waxed. \u00a0It’s partly because it’s cheaper here than in NY (although not by much). \u00a0It’s partly because I have more time here (although again, not much). \u00a0And partly because RWA Nationals<\/a> is just days away.<\/p>\n

Well, according to the dentist, everything is fine and dandy. \u00a0But she did say that I have a very small mouth. I quoted her to my family, who thought that was the most laughable thing they’d ever heard.<\/p>\n

Anyway, I’m like a car going in for a tune up, so when I go back to NY, I’ll be ready to roll. \u00a0<\/p>\n

Except for the eyes. \u00a0The visit to the optometrist didn’t go so well. \u00a0I failed the eye test. \u00a0In a big way. \u00a0This was very odd, the doctor and I thought. \u00a0She shook her head and declared that we had to stop the exam so she could check my corneas. \u00a0Which, it turns out, are all inflamed and scratched up due to faulty contact lenses. \u00a0No wonder I’ve had to make all my documents 200%. \u00a0<\/p>\n

So no contact lenses for at least a week. \u00a0This wouldn’t be such a problem since I don’t have any real plans that involve the outside world, except for the fact that my glasses broke and are beyond repair. \u00a0They just fell off my face. \u00a0The very nice office lady at the eye doctor asked if I could function without any corrective lenses. \u00a0She then proceeded to hand me a key pad so I could fork over a month’s salary for the eye exam. \u00a0I could barely make out the numbers. \u00a0“I guess we have to give you something temporary,” she said. \u00a0<\/p>\n

Um, yeah. \u00a0Because without corrective lenses, I’m blinder than a bat. \u00a0With the added cornea issues, I’m blinder than a bat with cataracts. \u00a0(Do bats get cataracts? \u00a0I don’t know. \u00a0But you get my point, no?) \u00a0And as smart as Hamudi is, he’s too excitable to be a seeing eye dog. \u00a0And let’s face it. \u00a0He’s too selfish.<\/p>\n

The nice office lady found a sample pair of frames and squeezed my old glasses lenses into them. \u00a0Which is why I look like Toula Portokalos<\/a> before the makeover:<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

My replacement frames arrive Wednesday. \u00a0At least they’ll be free.<\/p>\n

I just hope I don’t have do go to Nationals in glasses. \u00a0Sigh.<\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/p>\n

(Hi, it’s me again. \u00a0A few hours after I wrote this, it suddenly occurred to me that some of you may think that that’s me in the picture. \u00a0It’s not. \u00a0It’s Nia Vardalos<\/a>. \u00a0It’s just that my temporary glasses make me look just like that. \u00a0O.k. \u00a0I feel much better now that that’s settled.)<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Why I totally flunked my eye test So. \u00a0I come home for two weeks and what do I do? \u00a0I get my teeth cleaned. \u00a0I get my hair cut. \u00a0I get my eyebrows waxed. \u00a0It’s partly because it’s cheaper here than in NY (although not by much). \u00a0It’s partly because I have more time here […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[23],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-88","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-california-dreamin"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/melinakantor.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/88","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/melinakantor.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/melinakantor.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/melinakantor.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/melinakantor.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=88"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/melinakantor.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/88\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/melinakantor.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=88"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/melinakantor.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=88"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/melinakantor.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=88"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}