My Not So Secret Fantasy

August 9th, 2009 by Melina

Sweden, here I come!

Hi People.

So. Last time we talked, I was all wrapped up in the last day of school and I’d dealt with an unfortunate incident wherein I got locked in my apartment.

Good times.

Anyway, a lot has happened since then. Like huge writing conferences and moving from Manhattan to Brooklyn. I was going to tell you about both, but right now I care about neither.


Because I’m too upset about this:

See, I find this completely unacceptable. I did not grow up with weather like this. At all. Before I moved to New York, the only humidity I’d ever felt was at Butterfly World. July and August meant fog, aka “natural air conditioning.” If we had a heat wave, at least it was dry. A simple ceiling fan was enough to get us through.

In the S.F. Bay Area, we get rain. But we have a rainy season, which is winter. Yeah, we deal with a few months of being cold and soggy, but at least we’re not hot. And we can breathe.

In the Bay Area, we don’t deal with disgusting, overheated Subway platforms, or hot, wet air that traps dirt and grime. Summer doesn’t mean feeling like you’re the freaking lint trap in a working dryer.

And yes, the Bay Area branch of my family does in fact think I’m an idiot for moving here.

Especially since they’re the ones who decided to flee New York in the first place. Wise people. . .

Which brings me to my plan to move to Lund, Sweden.

Okay, I know. You’ve been listening to me bitch and moan about the whole moving thing for a while now. (Sorry, and thanks for listening. You are simply the best.)

I even made this claim on Facebook:

Ok, so here’s the deal. I’m moving from one small place to another. It’s not going well. So I won’t be moving again. Ever. And if I’m married someday and have 10 kids, it’ll be cramped. But we’ll just have to deal with it. I’m thinking bunk beds. Anybody have a problem with that? No? Good.

I lied.

I’ve rethought the situation, and changed my mind. Turning into a puddle will do that to a person.

So why Lund, you might want to know.

Well, here’s the thing. Ten years ago, I spent a year in Jerusalem. Which is where I first learned the definition of hot. For the first few months I lived there (July, August and September), I lived in an unspeakably uninhabitable dorm suite with two Canadians, one Japanese woman and a large variety of unmentionable bugs. Jerusalem, being a desert and all, is hot and dusty. And Jerusalem is. . . shall we say. . . chaotic?

A few months into my year abroad, I landed in Copenhagen, still feeling hot and dusty. As I got off the plane, I felt cool air coming in from outside. The airport sparkled with cleanliness. People were civil.

The angels sang.

Then I got on a boat headed for Lund, a cute city where people are so civilized, and lucky them, don’t know from hot and humid. It was clean and orderly. The memory of their pristine busses, with the screens that tell you where you are, still makes me weep.

And it was blessedly cool.


So there. Go Sweden!


Mel, who has turned into a puddle. Been nice knowing you.

P.S. No, I do not, at this moment, care about what their winters must be like. Right now, freezing = good.

P.P.S. As I stated earlier, the Swedes seem to be a civil people. So it’s possible that my personality, sparkling though it may be, might not be appreciated in Sweden the way it is in New York. Thoughts?

P.P.P. S. Notice that the weather report for the Lund area states that it is 67 degrees. Not only that, it actually “feels like” 67 degrees. They don’t add degrees the way we do in New York. Go figure.

Posted in Mel the Brooklynite, Mel's Favorite Posts, New York Living

14 Responses

  1. Cynthia

    Us Swedes are very subborn, coffee loving people, with a sweet tooth like you wouldn’t believe.

    And since you don’t want to know about the winters I won’t tell you that the average high in January is barely above freezing.

    Seriously, I sympathize. I do this exact thing, only in the winter when I’ve lost feeling in my toes and haven’t pulled the curtains back in days because the snow has blown against the window and I can’t see out. Hope you get some better weather soon.

  2. admin

    Cynthia, you’re Swedish?

    Stubbornness, coffee, sweets. . . all very good things!

    BTW, I’ve heard rumors that some parts of Sweden get very little snow, in spite of the freezing temps.

    Appealing, no?

  3. Cynthia

    Yes I’m very very Swedish, my English/Irish/Mohawk blood just too over in the looks but I am more Swedish than anything. Actually my Grandfather who is 100% Swedish was the first member of his family born here. Kinda cool huh?

    Any place that does get seasons, has some cool weather but little snow would be wonderful indeed.

  4. admin

    Very cool! Have you been to Sweden?

    When you find the perfect place you describe, let me know!

  5. Cynthia

    Never been to Sweden. The only other country I’ve been to is Canada and considering it’s only 90 minutes away really isn’t much to brag out.

    Absolutely, when I find a nice temperate place with 4 four seasons, I’ll definitely share it.

  6. Pamela Cayne

    Okay, I’ll help. You taught me to talk like a New Yahker, I’ll teach you some basic Swedish.

    First lesson: “Yah, sure, youbetcha.” Memorize. Repeat with correct inflections.

    Second lesson: Watch the Swedish Chef from The Muppet Show.


  7. admin

    Oh, thanks Pam! Such wonderful advice from the Nordic branch of the Wiffers. :-)

  8. Melissa Blue

    Anyone who knows me, knows me, knows I love my mother to pieces. I’ve been considering moving closer to her.

    What’s stopping me?

    The heat. The humidity. I don’t do heat well. I’m not a Southern Belle though I was born in Dallas, TX. Somebody is liable to get hurt.

    And, you know I also hear Maine isn’t bad when it comes to beautiful weather. That has always been my dream. Now if I could settle on a place that doesn’t get hot and doesn’t have blizzards.

  9. admin

    Hi Mel!

    Okay, here’s what we need to do:

    1. Get very filthy rich.
    2. Invest in private jets.
    3. Invest in beautifully built, well insulated, well heated, well air-conditioned vacation homes. Stock them with wine.
    4. Choose vacation home according to the weather and time of year.

    How does that sound?

  10. Karen


    My aunt is married to a Swedish man. She lives there 6 mo out of the year.
    We also had a Swedish exchange student back in 1983… so I’ll warn you… Unless things have changed, they only wear the bottom half of a bikini :) My mom was very glad to have caught that BEFORE we took her to the public pool the same week she arrived with nothing but said bottom half :)

    Another note? We have two Volvos. Awesome cars… they’re ancient and still driving like a dream.

  11. admin

    Yes, I remember that story! :-)

    I know about the whole lack of bikini thing b/c northern Europeans try to do that in Greece. Some places tolerate it, some don’t. My grandmother was disgusted.

    I’m going to post a picture of a funny sign on Twitter.

  12. Melissa Blue

    Ok, lets have a pact. If one of us wins the lottery we will share the winnings. Or we can go into business together and create a timeshare if you will. I think a good name would be “Getting Out the Kitchen” as in if you can’t stand the heat. We can have business cards that have Mel and Mel on the top. Our slogan could be Wiff This. A homage to our humble beginnings. :)

  13. admin

    Yeah Mel, let’s “Wiff This” right out of the kitchen! :-) (Not sure what I’m trying to say exactly. Then again, I rarely am.)

    What a brilliant idea!

  14. » Blog Archive » Cool Thoughts

    […] serious about that. Y’all know how I feel about this type of weather, […]

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