The “Eyes” Don’t Have It

July 22nd, 2008 by Melina

Why I totally flunked my eye test

So.  I come home for two weeks and what do I do?  I get my teeth cleaned.  I get my hair cut.  I get my eyebrows waxed.  It’s partly because it’s cheaper here than in NY (although not by much).  It’s partly because I have more time here (although again, not much).  And partly because RWA Nationals is just days away.

Well, according to the dentist, everything is fine and dandy.  But she did say that I have a very small mouth. I quoted her to my family, who thought that was the most laughable thing they’d ever heard.

Anyway, I’m like a car going in for a tune up, so when I go back to NY, I’ll be ready to roll.  

Except for the eyes.  The visit to the optometrist didn’t go so well.  I failed the eye test.  In a big way.  This was very odd, the doctor and I thought.  She shook her head and declared that we had to stop the exam so she could check my corneas.  Which, it turns out, are all inflamed and scratched up due to faulty contact lenses.  No wonder I’ve had to make all my documents 200%.  

So no contact lenses for at least a week.  This wouldn’t be such a problem since I don’t have any real plans that involve the outside world, except for the fact that my glasses broke and are beyond repair.  They just fell off my face.  The very nice office lady at the eye doctor asked if I could function without any corrective lenses.  She then proceeded to hand me a key pad so I could fork over a month’s salary for the eye exam.  I could barely make out the numbers.  “I guess we have to give you something temporary,” she said.  

Um, yeah.  Because without corrective lenses, I’m blinder than a bat.  With the added cornea issues, I’m blinder than a bat with cataracts.  (Do bats get cataracts?  I don’t know.  But you get my point, no?)  And as smart as Hamudi is, he’s too excitable to be a seeing eye dog.  And let’s face it.  He’s too selfish.

The nice office lady found a sample pair of frames and squeezed my old glasses lenses into them.  Which is why I look like Toula Portokalos before the makeover:

My replacement frames arrive Wednesday.  At least they’ll be free.

I just hope I don’t have do go to Nationals in glasses.  Sigh.


(Hi, it’s me again.  A few hours after I wrote this, it suddenly occurred to me that some of you may think that that’s me in the picture.  It’s not.  It’s Nia Vardalos.  It’s just that my temporary glasses make me look just like that.  O.k.  I feel much better now that that’s settled.)

Posted in California Dreamin'

6 Responses

  1. Ilana

    That sucks. Sorry. At least you now know what was wrong – and in time to fix it for nationals.

    I’m ‘allergic’ to contacts (can’t wear them for more than 2 weeks before my eyes reject them). But I’m not brave enough to have the eye surgery. What if something goes wrong *gasp* and I couldn’t read!!!

  2. admin

    I see so much better with contacts and I’m not used to glasses. I’d love to have the surgery, and in the long run it would be cheaper than buying new lenses and solution all the time. But I agree with you. It’s way too scary.

    Maybe someday it’ll be more common and less invasive.

  3. Pam

    I can’t wear contacts because I can’t stick my finger in my eye. I’ll think good thoughts for your eyeballs and just know you’re going to look wonderful for Nationals either way!

    (Now, I’m going to go re-read that Death Row Chicken post. It’s Food Porn.)

  4. admin

    Thanks Pam! My eyeballs appreciate the good thoughts.

    My mom will love what you said about the chicken. She lost some confidence when she made the dish at a friend’s house and it didn’t turn out. Personally, I think it was due to the electric oven she wasn’t used to.

    Now that she’s seen the pictures I took for the recipe and received my approval for this last batch of chicken, she feels a lot better.

    See you soon!

  5. Melissa Blue

    You know I have to disagree about those glasses being horrible. I have glasses just like my mother who is 20+ something years older than I am.

    Seriously, until you picked up your mother’s glasses thinking they were yours…

    Well, I think you get the picture.

    And it sucks this happend right before National’s. Maybe it’ll make you feel better to know I have a pimple the size of Mount Everest right between my nose and lip.

    Now I must dig into your archives….

  6. admin

    Melissa!!! :-)

    Thanks for your lovely comment and for stopping by my site!

    O.k. so those glasses may not be completely hideous, but you have to realize that the lenses I’m using weren’t made for these frames, so the plastic is all bent.

    The new frames were supposed to come yesterday. I’m hoping they come today. Urg.

    See you soon!

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