And have some hamentaschen!

Dear Readers,

On Friday, I showed up at work in a tiara and glittery eyeliner. Last night, children were walking around my neighborhood in what appeared to be Halloween costumes. My rabbis were dressed as superheroes and appeared to be more than slightly sauced.

Why?

Because it’s Purim!

Now, before I go on, I have to warn you. As you read this, those of you who don’t know from Purim might think 1. “No Way!” and/or 2. “Is this chick for real?”

But –

1. “Way.” and 2. I’m am not making this up. I assure you, I am not that creative!

I lack the energy to explain the religious significance of Purim to you. Basically, it’s the holiday where the Book of Esther (“The Megillah” – and yes, it’s “the whole megillah“) is read.

Here’s what a megillah looks like:

There’s a fast and a feast.

And to put this in romance writer terms, we celebrate the hero and heroine but very much dislike the villain, whose name is Haman. That is why, when we hear his name read during the story, we drown it out by yelling, booing, stomping our feet, and, best of all, using groggers.

These are groggers:

The megillah is read twice. Jewish holidays start at sundown, so we hear the megillah at night and in the morning. And yes, people dress up like it’s Halloween.

Best of all, the first megillah reading is usually done as a “Purim Shpiel” where there are skits, comedy routines, and songs between the verses. It’s sort of like Saturday Night Live celebrates Queen Esther. Very little is off limits.

Don’t believe me? Check this out:

I’m not sure about this, but I’m thinking that Purim is the only holiday in the world where people are supposed to get so drunk they can no longer separate reality from illusion, or more specifically, so drunk they can’t distinguish between the phrases, “Cursed be Haman” and “Blessed be Mordecai.” If there’s another holiday that can top that, be sure to let me know.

Then there’s Hamantaschen, a very yummy triangular pastry filled with fruit (apricot, prune, raspberry, or poppy seed). Hamantaschen is the Yiddish word and means Hamam’s pockets. But I remember learning that they represented Haman’s hat. Hmm. In Hebrew, they’re called Oznei Haman, which means Haman’s ears. (BTW it’s 1 Hamantasch, 2 Hamantaschen, 1 Ozen Haman, 2 Oznei Haman). Why the discrepancy in the meanings? Who knows? But it’s something else for Jews to discuss and argue about, which is always fun.

Last but not least, we have Mishloach Manot – baskets filled with gifts of food. Sending Mishloach Manot is a mitzvah (good deed). (There are actually four mitzvot for Purim. If you’re curious, click here.) Here’s the one I received from my students. Don’t even bother asking me how I schlepped this thing home on the Subway. You’re better off not knowing, trust me.

Well, I’m off to merry merry be and have some hamantaschen. But I’ll leave you with this one last treat.

See you all later.

Chag Purim Sameach! (Happy Purim!)

Signed,

Melina, who swears she did not partake of the purim punch this year, even if it sounds like she did.

Lesson 1, Part 2

As always, you are welcome, and encouraged, to leave your own examples in the comments! Why? I’ll tell you why. Because you’re brilliant.

Now, as some of you may know, I love, okay, I mean I have an obsession with, “The Moth.” It’s fabulous, this episode. Why? He knows from “tawking,” that Ritchie DiSalvo. Enjoy!

I’ll be back soon with Lesson 2 — When Harry Met Mary.

Lesson 1 — Sentence Structure

Well. As you may know, I’m from California (“Upstate CA,” where it’s foggy, not to be confused with LA). But please, don’t let my Californian vowel sounds fool you. My mother’s family is from Queens, and I’ve lived in Manhattan for years now. So, thanks to nature and nurture, I am definitely a New Yorker.

However, my Uncle Steve is quite upset that I don’t “tawk right.” I’m getting better though. Working in Brooklyn definitely helps. I’m becoming more bi-dialectal every day.

So, lucky readers, I’ve decided to start sharing what I’ve learned about speaking New Yorkese.

I present to you, Lesson 1: Sentence Structure.

Sounding like a New Yorker is more than just dropping the r’s from the ends of your words. Sentence structure is everything. To prove this, I’m going to translate a simple sentence:

“I’m annoyed because my computer isn’t working.”

(I’m a computer teacher. I hear this phrase constantly. But I digress.)

Translation Process

Step 1: Remove the word, “because” and replace it with a period.

“I’m annoyed. My computer isn’t working.”

Step 2: Move “my computer” to end end of the second sentence.

“I’m annoyed. It’s not working, my computer.”

Step 3: Add a little drama. Try placing a sound of disgust before the first sentence.

“Uch. I’m annoyed. It’s not working, my computer.”

Step 4: This is optional. If you are really annoyed, and are ready to throw the offending computer out the window, give your sentences some flair.

“Somebody get the gun and just shoot me already. Uch. I’m SO annoyed. It’s not working, my computer.”

There you have it. Now, it’s your turn to practice.

Translate the following sentence:

“My apartment is freezing because my radiator is useless.”

To see the answer, select the white space below.

“My apartment is freezing. It’s useless, my radiator.”

Want to give the sentence more flair? Leave your ideas in the comments.

Homework: Watch the following video and discuss amongst yourselves. (For an even more fabulous Linda Richman video, which I sadly couldn’t embed, click here.)

Next lesson: When Harry Met Mary.

P.S. Forgot something rather important. For Part 2 of this lesson, click here.

Hey, it’s the Sylvester already. Whatever.

Maybe I’m having a case of “sour grapes” syndrome. Then again, maybe I’m just exhausted. And getting old. Allow me to explain.

A few years ago, back when I had more of a life (at least compared to now), I got an invitation to a New Year’s Eve party that read, “Bye 2006! Don’t let the door hit you in the ass on your way out!” That’s right. My people and I didn’t think 2006 was all that.

You know what? I was going to say that about 2008. Which is funny, because when I was a kid I used to mourn the loss of the year and get all nostalgic while I drowned my sorrows in sparkling cider. But then I thought about it and realized something.

This year, I really don’t care.

You know what? It’s snowing. I spent Monday and Tuesday at work unpacking a $10,000 LEGO order. My dog kept me up two nights in a row. My vacation is almost over. I’m in my sweats, and until I go out and buy my sparkling cider, they’re not coming off. (Wait, that sounds wrong, but you get the picture. I hope.)

Last week I told my mother that I was neither hip nor up-and-coming (as opposed to say, the Meat Packing District and Brooklyn Heights). Case in point: I don’t have any plans tonight, other than watching a movie until 11:55, at which point I’ll get ready to watch the ball drop.

All I know is that this version of the new year doesn’t require two full days in the synagogue, hours of cooking, or family gatherings. Thank goodness.

So I’m looking forward to a peaceful evening. No plans! Yay! Sour grapes? Maybe, but I don’t care.

Who needs Times Square for a Rockin’ Eve? Just come to Chez Mel.

Oh, I almost forgot to bring up Sylvester. I’m sure you’re dying of curiosity. For some reason, Israelis refer to the evening of December 31 as The Sylvester. Nobody seems to be sure why. But in Israel, it’s not much of a holiday anyway.

Sour grapes aside, I do hope 2009 is a huge improvement over 2008. I wish all of you a year of health, happiness, and peace.

Meanwhile, good-bye 2008. It’s been lovely, but please, don’t let the door hit you in the ass on your way out.

Cheers!

P.S. Take my poll! Just try not to make me feel like too much of a loser, okay? Thanks. But first, here’s a little New Year’s video for you.

Night One!

A special list. . .

I saw this list on Jennerosity’s blog, and it looked like fun. Just copy this list and bold the things you’ve done.

1. Started your own blog 
2. Slept under the stars 
3. Played in a band (at school)
4. Visited Hawaii 
5. Watched a meteor shower 
6. Given more than you can afford to charity 
7. Been to Disneyland /world 
8. Climbed a mountain 
9. Held a praying mantis 
10. Sang a solo 
11. Bungee jumped 
12. Visited Paris 
13. Watched a lightning storm at sea 
14. Taught yourself an art from scratch 
15. Adopted a child 
16. Had food poisoning 
17. Walked to the top of the Statue of Liberty 
18. Grown your own vegetables 
19. Seen the Mona Lisa in France 
20. Slept on an overnight train 
21. Had a pillow fight 
22. Hitch hiked (NOT by choice. I was spending a semester in Belgium and my host sister dragged me along. I was fifteen, and horrified.)
23. Taken a sick day when you’re not ill 
24. Built a snow fort 
25. Held a lamb 
26. Gone skinny dipping 
27. Run a Marathon 
28. Ridden in a gondola in Venice 
29. Seen a total eclipse 
30. Watched a sunrise or sunset 
31. Hit a home run 
32. Been on a cruise 
33. Seen Niagara Falls in person 
34. Visited the birthplace of your ancestors 
35. Seen an Amish community 
36. Taught yourself a new language
37. Had enough money to be truly satisfied 
38. Seen the Leaning Tower of Pisa in person 
39. Gone rock climbing 
40. Seen Michelangelo’s David 
41. Sung karaoke 
42. Seen Old Faithful geyser erupt 
43. Bought a stranger a meal at a restaurant 
44. Visited Africa 
45. Walked on a beach by moonlight 
46. Been transported in an ambulance 
47. Had your portrait painted 
48. Gone deep sea fishing 
49. Seen the Sistine Chapel in person 
50. Been to the top of the Eiffel Tower in Paris 
51. Gone scuba diving or snorkeling 
52. Kissed in the rain 
53. Played in the mud 
54. Gone to a drive-in theater 
55. Been in a movie. 
56. Visited the Great Wall of China 
57. Started a business 
58. Taken a martial arts class 
59. Visited Russia 
60. Served at a soup kitchen 
61. Sold Girl Guide Cookies 
62. Gone whale watching 
63. Got flowers for no reason 
64. Donated blood, platelets or plasma 
65. Gone sky diving 
66. Visited a Nazi Concentration Camp 
67. Bounced a check 
68. Flown in a helicopter 
69. Saved a favorite childhood toy 
70. Visited the Lincoln Memorial 
71. Eaten Caviar 
72. Pieced a quilt 
73. Stood in Times Square 
74. Toured the Everglades 
75. Been fired from a job 
76. Seen the Changing of the Guards in London 
77. Broken a bone 
78. Been on a speeding motorcycle (once, with my cousin, but it wasn’t speeding)
79. Seen the Grand Canyon in person 
80. Published a book (someday, I hope!)
81. Visited the Vatican 
82. Bought a brand new car 
83. Walked in Jerusalem 
84. Had your picture in the newspaper 
85. Read the entire Bible  
86. Visited the White House (just the outside)
87. Killed and prepared an animal for eating 
88. Had chickenpox 
89. Saved someone’s life 
90. Sat on a jury (almost)
91. Met someone famous 
92. Joined a book club 
93. Lost a loved one 
94. Had a baby 
95. Seen the Alamo in person 
96. Swam in the Great Salt Lake 
97. Been involved in a law suit 
98. Owned a cell phone 
99. Been stung by a bee 
100. Read an entire book in one day 

Good luck charms and luxury items

Okay. I know, I know. This post is way past overdue! You see, my brain took longer than expected to put its little self back together after NaNo, and I’ve had some technical issues I haven’t had the time, or mindset, to deal with.

But, as promised, here are some of the writing good luck charms and luxury items I’ve been talking about. And I’m posting this picture (which I took in November) even though it’s late, because NaNo or not, they still work.

The first thing you probably noticed were the paper Sesame Street dishes. Yes, they were on sale, and yes, during NaNo I really didn’t feel like washing dishes. I love Sesame Street, more than most adults, but I’m not so into Elmo. Like I said, the dishes were on sale.

My iPhone also made the list. I used it as a timer, an iPod (I’m very into making book soundtracks) and a way of calling my poor uncle to complain about writer’s block. 

Then, there were the Apples to Apples cards. Looking at random words every morning usually helped spark story ideas. In fact, my first card was “Angry Hornets” which made it into the first paragraph of my book and will hopefully stay there. Can you believe it actually fit? It was metaphorical though.

I also had my NaNo and WWfW mugs. Why? No other reason that good vibes I guess. You’ll notice the coaster too, which I won last April. It’s just about the only thing I’ve ever won, and I got it with a signed copy of the fabulous Out of Time by Samantha Graves! Squee! (The wine stain was already on the coaster. The coffee stain, which I just noticed now, was put there by me as artistic expression of. . . well, let’s just say I drank a ton of coffee in November.)

The Japanese doll is always on my desk. I think she’s cute. If I close my computer lid, she looks at me like “You’re done already? Come on! You can squeeze out a thousand more words, you lazy wimp!”  (In case you’re wondering, this is what’s known as writer crazy.)

And then there’s my computer, who got way too much use in November. Thank you, computer, for keeping up with me even when you wanted to crash. (Believe me, there were a few times there when it came close.)

The best good luck charms, of course, were the Wiffers! Enough said.

Stay warm everybody, and thanks for reading! I’m off to get my clothes out of the dryer, and then I’m going to continue the NaNo recovery process with a cup of hot chocolate and reading Good Luck by Whitney Gaskell.

I survived!